Accepting That Youll Never See Someone Again

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How do y'all cope with death, knowing that y'all volition never see that person once again?

• Thread starter Unrivaled
• Start date Jan 26, 2021

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• #1

I am genuinely interested if in that location are any successful ways you lot cope with the death of a loved one? For those of you who aren't religious.

I personally have had four grandparents pass away when I was a child which really didn't affect me long term. Probably because I didn't know them that well.

My mom died when I was in high schoolhouse over a decade ago and I still actually miss her equally we were really close. Nearly days I don't think about information technology and cake it out. But when I practise call up near her I accept a heard time accepting the fact that I'll never become to talk to her again. I had a close friend die years agone as well and I get emotional simply thinking that I'll never become to talk to either of them ever again.

Are these feelings normal and how do you personally cope with death? I just find information technology so hard to grasp that someone is gone forever.

• #two

It but gets easier over fourth dimension, but there will e'er be moments of sad reflection. If you are really struggling its skilful to talk about it with others, be it friends family or professionals.

• #iv

My mom died terminal twelvemonth and bluntly, I don't really have whatsoever idea.

I call back most it/her nearly everyday. Information technology'south non always overtly sad thoughts, patently, simply the end upshot usually just leaves me feeling down.

I also still become these weird, intense and "panicky" moments where it seems to hit me all once again that she is gone and I'll never see or talk to her again. those accept at least faded in frequency with time, but man information technology's all just and then strange and tough to process.

• #v

I am genuinely interested if there are any successful ways you cope with the death of a loved one? For those of yous who aren't religious.

I personally have had 4 grandparents pass abroad when I was a kid which really didn't affect me long term. Probably because I didn't know them that well.

My mom died when I was in high school over a decade ago and I all the same actually miss her equally nosotros were really close. Most days I don't think nigh it and block it out. But when I practice think well-nigh her I take a heard time accepting the fact that I'll never get to talk to her again. I had a close friend die years ago as well and I get emotional merely thinking that I'll never get to talk to either of them ever once again.

Are these feelings normal and how do you personally cope with death? I just find information technology and then difficult to grasp that someone is gone forever.

Information technology is very hard to cope with decease, at least information technology was on my terminate of the longest time. Concluding calendar week was the 2 year anniversary that my younger blood brother was killed by a drunkard driver on the fashion to work. He was 39 years old, wasn't married nonetheless nor didn't have whatsoever kids. I'one thousand married with a family and decorated with work so this helps keep me occupied, merely at offset I was going to that dark place quite a bit later on he had passed away. I've had to do a lot of soul searching and trying to keep myself busy over these concluding two years to not get equally depressed when this all get-go happened.

There are times where I practise sit and think nigh my brother, how I do miss him being effectually which does bring me downward. Similar y'all, I do retrieve it is normal to get lamentable at the thought that yous will never see your mom or friend again. When I get depressed about this now, it tends to concluding for two-3 days and then I snap out of information technology.

You are not alone in how you lot are thinking, even to this 24-hour interval I am still waiting sometimes for my blood brother to walk through the door and say I fooled all you guys......I'chiliad alive. Death and even the situation that my blood brother was in is notwithstanding somewhat hard to procedure to this twenty-four hours equally we are notwithstanding going through court with the guilty party, so that part of this whole matter doesn't bring any peace.

Merely, as much as it sucks thinking well-nigh that person that passed abroad because it brings us down.......you lot practice not desire to end thinking well-nigh them that yous forget about them either. It helps with the healing process to recollect of the good times we have shared. I am past no means an skilful at any of this, but there are times where I am okay talking about this to others and and so times where I do start vehement upwards because information technology still hurts.

• #6

To quoth My Chemical Romance...

"I tin see you awake, anytime, in my head."

They're never really gone, non when I can recall them. Non when I can hear their voice and smell their scent. That is real. That is mine.

• #7

Everything fades with fourth dimension.

• #eight

this is where faith comes into play for most people

Sam Harris had a pretty insightful/helpful lecture on death a few years back simply I'm non sure I can share it because he's pretty controversial present

• #9

I lost my younger sis most 4 years ago, information technology would accept been her birthday concluding Friday, we threw a memorial party for her and the family donated money to a charity she would have supported nether her name.

It's still awkward to talk about and it withal upsets united states to this day. But it is important that we do acknowledge information technology and try to call back the good times. You can't permit the negative thoughts stew up by constantly ignoring them, otherwise, they will overflow and just make you lot entirely miserable all the time.

• #10

My girlfriend passed abroad back in August. Heart attack at 31. I still tin can't handle it. I never thought I'd ever miss someone every bit much every bit I miss her. I odour her perfume and hear her laughter everyone once in awhile. It's crazy.

• #11

my moms death 6 years ago really affected me and i guess i merely learned to live without her. not like i had any pick. my sis and my nieces moved in with me a year later due to other circumstances and i remember that really helped go my mind off of how everything went down.

• #12

Information technology'south difficult and only time really heals information technology. Every bit someone else mentioned, many people detect their spiritual side which helps a lot with the coping process.

• #13

Whatever will be will be. Just agree correct to their memory, they aren't fully gone till all who knew them are.

• #xiv

My mom died last year and frankly, I don't really take whatever thought.

I recollect about it/her nigh everyday. It's non always overtly pitiful thoughts, obviously, only the stop result usually merely leaves me feeling down.

I as well yet get these weird, intense and "panicky" moments where information technology seems to striking me all over again that she is gone and I'll never see or talk to her once more. those accept at least faded in frequency with time, but homo it's all just so strange and tough to process.

Yeah I understand, I still get those from fourth dimension to fourth dimension. Non often enough that it interferes with my life, but information technology's hard to call back well-nigh.

• #15

this is where religion comes into play for virtually people

Sam Harris had a pretty insightful/helpful lecture on death a few years back but I'm non sure I can share information technology because he's pretty controversial nowadays

I'g not religious and I believe they are completely gone. I couldn't even simulated that I believe I'll come across them again, which sucks.

• #16

Yeah I understand, I still get those from time to fourth dimension. Not ofttimes enough that it interferes with my life, only it's hard to recall nearly.

Trust me ,it fades as you become on living your life.

• #17

My grandmother died years ago and I notwithstanding think near her from time to time. I decided this year I was going to take off piece of work for her birthday and "celebrate" with her by doing stuff we did when she was here.

• #18

I lost my one-half-brother a number of years ago, and it left a hole in my heart that has never been filled.

The days subsequently he died were awful. I often thought I'd never get through it and exist able to even laugh again. The only thing I can say is time and friends and other members of the family helped out immensely.

Acknowledging that I still miss him a lot helps too, in an odd sort of manner.

• #19

Not well. The thought of death, losing my wife, my pets or anyone close to me scares the shit out of me and keeps me upwardly at night pretty oftentimes. I lost my mom almost iii years ago and i'one thousand still struggling with information technology every solar day. Sometimes i do something and the first thought is "oh lemme tell my mom" and so it feels like im going through the whole process of her dying all over again. Tried counseling and a bunch of other stuff simply aught helped so far.

• #20

Coping with this is a large reason why many turn to faith.

• #21

I lost my father vi months agone in a motorbike accident, I'm 29, and I remember about him everyday. But thing to say is that the hurting become "acceptable" with time passing, merely we volition always miss the person, no affair what, and life won't have the same sense of taste anymore, even if we, for certain, still have skillful times with other person.

I guess information technology'due south different when death comes from old age, because information technology's most acceptable as it's just the circle of life, merely when information technology happened out of nowhere, when you didn't take fourth dimension to say goodbye or forge more memories with the loved i, information technology'southward hard to accept and move on.

Just (united nations)fortunately, alive goes on, and we are confronted with two choices: accept and live with it while keeping the good memories in our heed, and talk to others about that person to even so go along it alive in our alive and listen, or not going over information technology and forever feeling something is missing in our life, which can lead to low, which is actually hard to become over.

He and I were pretty shut, and I always felt like he was i of the only on Earth to truly sympathize me, and we could talk about anything without any fright of existence judged.

There's no universal solution, each of us deal with decease in a certain way. For me, it'due south knowing I'one thousand living without regrets as I did and enjoyed every moment with that person without never letting a bad state of affairs between us beingness long plenty that I would tell myself "If I knew, I would have". My father died in an happy mood, nosotros were supposed to run across each other the mean solar day after for a good week together, he simply received my alphabetic character for "Father's Day", and he was about to give a conference near the field nosotros was working in for years. That helps knowing he didn't dice in a bad mood, I just wish I could take tell him ane final time how a smashing father he was to me and how much I learned from him and I truly value the legacy his mind and footprint had on me.

• #22

Trust me ,it fades as yous get on living your life.

Yes, but I'm saying when I retrieve about them, that is when the feelings come dorsum.

I can go a weeks and months without thinking about it, then suddenly something reminds me of them and it hits me again.

PMS341

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt-account

• #23

My dad passed away ~iii years ago and I think about him every day. I probably e'er will. I guess the type of thoughts have changed, mostly, and I constantly think almost all the adept times we had, or all the weird shit we did, or just the better moments that are really moments that truly stuck with me, good or bad. I also just had one of my best friends pass away about two weeks ago due to a drug overdose, and his life was actually going then incredibly well. I cried for days and nonetheless do sometimes, just after attending his funeral (virtually) and listening to people talk about the best memories of him, information technology also helped me think of the best memories I had as well.

Then I suppose, OP, equally many take echoed, they are never actually gone, because yous will always remember them, or recall nigh them in some way. That doesn't just disappear. Without trying to audio morbid, decease is simply another part of life, and there never really is a "right time" or anything for information technology - but accepting it is both important and adept.

• #24

Yep, but I'k saying when I recollect about them, that is when the feelings come back.

I can go a weeks and months without thinking about information technology, then of a sudden something reminds me of them and it hits me over again.

Accept you actually processed their deaths, but regardless vestiges are normal.

• #25

My grandmother passed away in July of final yr. It still hurts sometimes. In that location are just random moments where I breakdown and cry. A lot of the time, I call up about skilful memories and I still smile. I'm still trying to process it. It notwithstanding doesn't feel real at times. I know she'd want me to proceed going and think fondly of her instead of pain.

Information technology'south fifty-fifty harder at present knowing that I may lose my male parent presently.

• #26

non like i had any option.

This is how I got over my own existential fears. Ultimately, I have to die anytime. Everyone I know will as well. Any panic or discomfort I go over those things has to be dealt with simply like my ever-worsening knees. "Something to become used to"

• #27

Every time I hear about death I think about this conversation from Delight Like Me considering I call back it explains everything easily and candidly.

• #28

Accept you actually processed their deaths, only regardless vestiges are normal.

I think then, if someone was to bring them upwardly it's all good memories.

I understand they are gone, only it'southward still tough to think about NEVER seeing them over again. I can kind of see why people turn to religion.

• #29

They are costless from this evil chosen life so I'm just happy for them.

• #thirty

You don't, really.

You process it, you come to terms with it, but so far for me I merely accept that information technology will hurt for the rest of my life off and on. Yous get used to people not being around anymore, but certain things make you reflect and that drags information technology back up. Getting to a point where it's but that, reflection, and not an inhibitor to your ability to function, is the key.

But you alive, and you motion forward.

In a lot of ways (and sometimes I feel guilty near saying this, like I'yard betraying the people who've passed or that it means I value them less, which isn't true obviously) I sometimes miss people I loved and had in my life that are still alive just afar more I miss those who've passed. There'due south a lot of pain in the finality of expiry, but there's as well a lot of... well, finality. The people who are even so out in that location, only non in your life anymore, and the doubtfulness of whether you'll e'er reconnect can be a lot worse than the credence of never having the choice.

• #31

I lament those who volition never know that person

I'm...non sure where I got that from though

• #32

I think so, if someone was to bring them up it'south all good memories.

I understand they are gone, but it's still tough to call back nearly NEVER seeing them again. I can kind of meet why people turn to organized religion.

It sucks just you acquire to live with information technology, otherwise you'll be crushed. You lot are correct, this is one of the reason people are religious.

• #33

They are free from this evil called life so I'm just happy for them.

Don't get me wrong I was relieved for example when my mom died considering she had been suffering badly with cancer.

It did suck though, one day you remember it's phase i cancer and suddenly she gets really ill and it'south stage 4 and gone a week later. And the final memories are of her in hurting.

I think that is the office I have blocked from my memories for a decade.

• #34

Yous just gotta accept that it'south the natural order of the earth.
It will hurt, will it go away? It depends. It's up to you lot how to handle information technology.
We just need to keep moving forward.

• #35

Aye, but I'yard maxim when I recollect most them, that is when the feelings come back.

I can get a weeks and months without thinking most it, and then suddenly something reminds me of them and it hits me again.

This happens every so often for the diverse people or pets that I've lost over the years. At that place's that feeling of sadness, I get-go to recall nigh the circumstances of their decease and it makes me feel guilty for having been laughing at something stupid online or whatever. I usually try to go my mind off the negative aspects of death by thinking near the adept times I had with them, and how fortunate I was to know them and have them in my life. The sadness just kind of goes and it's replaced with more than happy thoughts. Time actually does heal, and helps with this process. The sadness and negativity doesn't last as long.

• #36

It'southward still then odd to me. Lost my dad final year and I'm withal in disbelief that I'll never see him again. Hits me every calendar month or and so.
When my wife and daughter try and tell me he's literarily looking down on me in certain situations I bite my natural language and grinning.

• #37

I don't. My mom died 10 yrs ago and I still mourn from time to fourth dimension. As fourth dimension passes, I prioritize my focus on many other things but sadness is ever there when I think about her.

• #38

All I can say is that decease sucks for all of u.s.a., whether it happens to us or those we know and dear. There's not getting out of information technology or used to it. I lost my dad in 2019. We weren't close, since he moved iii,000 miles away when I was xiii and left u.s.a. poor with no kid back up. I saw him about 8 times between 18 and 42 when he died, but we were generally okay when he went. I was surprised how much I cried when I heard. I never got the thousand reconciliation. I always felt like an reconsideration in his life. I think the tough part is coming to terms with the fact that You lot are going to dice and non letting that terrify you.

• #40

I'm pseudo laissez-faire. I annotation the importance of missing things, I don't dwell on them.

Life is too short to dwell on things that accept happened that yous have no control. Love those who have you take lost but don't stop it from loving those who are withal here.

• #41

I don't. My mom died 10 yrs ago and I still mourn from time to time. As time passes, I prioritize my focus on many other things but sadness is ever in that location when I call up about her.

Well that's skilful to hear the feelings are normal then.

• #42

All I can say is that decease sucks for all of us, whether it happens to us or those we know and love. There'south not getting out of it or used to it. I lost my dad in 2019. Nosotros weren't shut, since he moved iii,000 miles away when I was thirteen and left united states poor with no child support. I saw him about 8 times between 18 and 42 when he died, but nosotros were mostly okay when he went. I was surprised how much I cried when I heard. I never got the g reconciliation. I e'er felt like an reconsideration in his life. I think the tough part is coming to terms with the fact that YOU are going to die and not letting that terrify you.

I'm not scared to die because I won't fifty-fifty know I have.

I'm more scared to lose more people suddenly. I'thou terrified to lose my dad, sis and all-time friends. This pandemic does not help those feelings.

• #43

Sounds bad but time. My best friend killed himself almost a decade ago. When I️ retrieve about information technology information technology bums me out but information technology is what information technology is. Me being upset isn't bringing him back

• #44

If you haven't seen it, I recommend you watch this voice communication by Joe Biden, talking to families who have lost loved ones in the armed services. Every bit someone who has dealt with a fair amount of death in my life, including unexpected deaths, his words really hit home.

• #45

Remember all the expert times with them, and try to non to dwell on the bad or imagine what ifs.

Near chiefly remember that they wouldn't want your memories of them to exist filled with regret or sadness, and they would want you lot to move forward and live your life.

• #46

Non gonna lie, Ive thought abt this alot recently, and honestly i dont think ill e'er be able to fully cope with my mom or grandma dying. I just dear them too much.

• #47

Unfortunately at that place doesn't seem to be annihilation that can help, other than time healing the wound. Honestly I call back this is the primary reason that religion still exists and will continue to exist. Most people can't handle the crushing weight of what forever ways. I know I can't, and I wish I could play a joke on myself into buying it.

• #48

I buried my female parent Friday later a sudden expiry on Tuesday morn.
And so far the coping has been, not great. I tin't take off piece of work and merely have to bury it all way down and I feel like 1 random thing could go incorrect and I'm just going to snap.

• #49

My husband died in September. Let me know if someone has any fucking clue how to cope with this.

Fucking hell, I am never going to be able to watch this again.

• #50

Not gonna lie, Ive thought abt this alot recently, and honestly i dont think ill ever exist able to fully cope with my mom or grandma dying. I just dear them too much.

Aye, same here. My mom says I need someone in my life because nosotros are really close and when she dies I won't have anyone to help me through it as I did with her later her Mom's death. But for whatever reason, my brain but isn't capable of connecting with people I don't know and then I will exist lonely and I'm non sure how I'll ever get through it.

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